Waiting.

I have to be at work in 25 minutes. So, this is going to a quick post. (In college, I always wrote best when I was in a time-crunch; aka the night before I could hammer out a 12-page paper over the history of Holy Roman Empire during the high middle ages and still pull a B).

Waiting. Who actually likes it? 

(Unless you're out in nature and have no plans).

Last night, I kept saying over and over, "I hate everything," because I did not know anything else to say or feel. Then I ate too much cookie butter from Trader Joe's and now I have a sugar-hangover. So, of course, as I am typing this, I'm trying to figure out how I could have better handled the situation: meditation. Yoga. A walk; something that benefits my body and mind, and allows me to take my emotions out of the situation and just allow it to exist. I must be present and learn that no matter how frustrated I get, it will not change how things happen. However, the way I react and process the effects can change how I see things happen.

Recently, I was on a Lana del Rey kick - I don't know what it is about her music. It is like junk food. It is cookie butter for my ears and mind. After about the 5th time of listening to "National Anthem," I started to feel like I wanted to live the life she painted in her songs. Whether it is real or not, that's how it made me feel. I wanted to run around, drinking cute drinks, and wear bright red lipstick - What?! Who was this music making me want to be?

In her songs, she paints a flashy, free, faux-happy life and it was tricking me into thinking I wanted a part of it.

I get the same freeing feelings from yoga, hiking, running and being outside, but they're much more real than a catchy Lana del Rey song. In the last week and a half, I have not been able to do as much outdoor activities because of my job. 

This blog post doesn't have a resolve like some of my others. I'm in the midst of feeling stuck, feeling frustration, annoyance, etc. What I probably need is a good long run, a slack line session & some good company. Then, I'll be able to forget about what I can't control and learn to appreciate what I have and what each present moments gifts me every second of every day.