Scare the Crap Out of Yourself..and LIVE.

Lately, my days feel longer. Time still flies, but I can look back on a day and feel good about how much I accomplished. A year ago, time was flying and I would look back on the day, feeling like all I did was work, and I might as well just go to sleep because it was already so late. I am so glad this is not the case as of late.

(The pictures in this post are from a one-night camping trip I took this weekend with my friend and her family. I got to try out my new Kammok that I won and I LOVE IT! All photos here are shot with GoPro Hero2).

I think part of it is that I have this buzzing energy, constantly reminding me that life should be lived, and lived well. "It" has been dormant for the last few years in my brain; I'm sure poorly managed stress, alcohol, and the normal things that deter people from their purpose caused "it" to hibernate.

I am glad it is awake again.

I am glad I am awake again.

This is not the first time I have been awake.

When I first started college, I felt it. It kept me up late at night, creating, writing, and thinking. It's back again - "it" being something I think everyone is capable of. It is YOU. Your purpose is also you. When you start to uncover your purpose and true calling, you feel it. Every part of your being is buzzing and humming with the energy of being awake.

How do you find "it?" You allow yourself to change. I had to quit drinking, leave people behind, and leave a perception of unhappiness I had created for myself and for others. I simplified my life by simplifying my mind. Nature helps. Travel helps. Adding yoga and meditation to my daily routine have helped me the most.  Getting yourself out of your day-to-day routine also helps. This allows you to look at your life from a distance, and not necessarily a safe distance. You also might not like what you see. 

But you can change it. You are the only one who can. Fill your mind with positive thinking by changing your reactions. Change your scenery. If your job really is awful and there is no way to find any shred of positivity about it, leave it. What do you have to lose? If continuing college is like pullling teeth and you're skipping class more than you're going, quit college. (See previous blog post about quitting college). You do not have to stay in any situation you're in if you don't want to. Free yourself. FREE YOURSELF. You deserve it - this life is yours and you get to live it. 

I'll leave you with this great quote & a link to watch the video on Vimeo. Have a wonderful week, and if you have a blog, link it to me in the comment section; I'd love to read! :)

"If you're living your life where you scare yourself a lot, that's really living. None of us are getting out of here alive so you might as well scare the crap out of yourself and do things that are important to you." -Todd Sanders, Roadhouse Relics in Austin, TX.

Todd Sanders STORYTLD from LUXURY MINDZ on Vimeo.

The Other Side of the Mountain

Before I start with happy posts about my long & lovely weekend at Wanderlust, I do have a somewhat serious thing to talk about.

Earlier this year, I set a goal of climbing a mountain. July 7th, I accomplished that goal. I climbed Copper Mountain. The summit is 12,313 feet, and I climbed from the base, which is 9,712 feet. That made my ascent around 3,300 feet or so. No, it was not a huge mountain, but nonetheless a mountain. With a field of boulders...and bumble bees..and slopes..and thinning air...

The feeling of making it to the top after having to stop & rest, quite often, sometimes every 3 minutes or so, was exhilarating. I felt like Jaffe Ryder, a character from Jack Kerouacs' travel narrative, "The Dharma Bums," who yelled at the top of the mountain he climbs in the book. I even danced across a field of boulders like he did! It was incredible.

Being on top of that mountain gave me some time to take in & look at what was around me, and most of all, below me. There were peaks higher than I was and lower than I was. 

Looking at my life, I am in the same spot. There are peaks all around me. Some of them are higher than where I'm at now and some are lower. The slopes are all different and the terrain changes throughout the climb. When I was on all fours, crawling up one section of the mountain, I was discouraged because the summit did not seem to get any closer, even though I was exhausted. I thought about giving up and "trying again next time." When is next time? I am here NOW and if I stop to rest, regain strength, and try again, I could reach the summit; and I did. 

July 7th is also the day, four years ago, when I was arrested for a DWI in Arlington, TX. Yes, I can blame the over-staffed-police-force in the city, or the fact that they followed me out of the bar parking lot, or the fact that my red car was statistically targeted, etc....

The real issue here was not any of those; the real issue was my love for drinking. I'm Irish and my family is riddled with alcoholics, so I did not have much hope in being a moderate drinker.

Since my DWI, I have struggled with "learning to moderate my drinking." This April, I finally decided I have NO ability to "learn" any kind of moderation for alcohol in my being. Maybe in my next life. After deciding this, I also had to accept it. Accepting my inability to moderate has been the game-changer for my quitting drinking this round. It feels real this time. When I have quit in the past, I have craved to drink and always succumbed to it. What's changed? Support. Hobbies. Friendships.

I am about to hit 16-weeks of no alcohol, and I am still finding out things about myself that I have ignored in the haze of the last four years. I have had to cut off a couple toxic friendships. I've changed my hobbies. The most important thing for me has been the support of my boyfriend, my friends and my family.

Quitting drinking is one thing, but figuring out what you're going to have to displace and balance that energy into is a new task. It's the field of boulders on your way up a mountain.

I know alcohol is not abused by everyone. We all have our vices. I hope people know that the most important way to grow from the ashes of destructive living is to know that you CAN create a new life for yourself. You do NOT have to accept your mistakes as who you were meant to be. Find out what your desires are and go for them. Chase them. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family and make space for new experiences to propel your new life forward. CLIMB THAT MOUNTAIN.

Thoughts On Finding Something To Love & Loving Yourself

Before New Years, I decided to start doing yoga every day. I did not wait until New Years to start, because I know how much of a procrastinator I am, so my motto has to be, "OK GO."

Over the last three months, I have done yoga ALMOST everyday. I stopped keeping track, because, like anything you keep score on, you're going to be disappointed. You will be. I have learned to go with the flow, and if I feel like doing something, do it. Do not wait or plan. Just do it. If I do not feel like doing something; ok fine. Don't do it. It's all a part of living in the moment.

Anyways, yoga has become a huge part of my living routine. While I have attended a couple classes at Karmany Yoga in Fort Worth, I still prefer doing yoga at home, with Tara Stiles as my yogi. Her videos are so simple and encouraging. Since I have been doing yoga for three months now, I have also been able to stray from the videos and create my own flow and learn to practice true meditation.

While I still enjoy doing yoga at home, I plan to find a studio to call home, so I can refine my technique and positions. It is also easier to meditate because I am learning to squeeze out all distractions like a sponge. 

One of the greatest things yoga has taught me is patience - with myself. When I started yoga, I had NO patience with myself, which also translated into no patience with other people. I expected to do a dancer's pose, and hold it, the first try. Nope. Couldn't even do a Warrior 3 without wobbling. Patience and practice has taught me how important it is to not get frustrated when I cannot do something the first try..or second, third, fourth, etc. 

 

Yoga has also taught me to shed my carefulness. By carefulness, I mean, I have learned to be carefree about things that do not really matter. Appreciate and relish in the little things, and stretch yourself to try something new EVERYDAY. 

Lastly, yoga has taught me to have fun. I bought a slackline in January, and pair that with yoga...you get slackline yoga! At least, that's what I am aiming for. Slacklining has required me to used and refine the same mental and physical capacities as yoga, so the two go hand-in-hand for me. The first time I was able to walk across the line was so exhilarating, I know that when I can hold a handstand I am going to have the same rewarding feeling! My brother introduced me to slacklining and it has been my favorite hobby ever since. (I have a goal to high lining this summer in Utah...I cannot wait to try it).

I guess my reason for this post is not to glorify yoga and get you to start practicing. My point is to find something that you love and makes you love yourself back. Do what you love, and love what you do, and love WHO YOU ARE. Try something that scares you, because you may just end up finding ultimate joy in it. 

<3

Tiffiny